Quinn’s Intuition Journey
My tea was cooling as my friend walked into Starbucks. Quinn gave me a hug before heading to the counter to order her tea. As she sat down, I told her I wanted to talk to her about her intuition. Previously, I had sent her an email and told her I valued her insights, and I thought she knew a business I was going to set up with a friend was not a good idea, but she did not verbalize the feelings she had. She had emailed back that she thought this conversation was best to do in person.
“I know you said in the email that you thought I had some insights into starting a business with Thad. I’m not sure if I did,” Quinn said.
“The last time we had tea, I shared with you a dream I had that morning that seemed so real,” I started. “When you interpreted the dream, even though Thad was nowhere in the dream nor had I mentioned Thad when telling you about the dream, you thought the dream was a ‘warning’ in regards to setting up a business with him,” I said.
Thinking back, Quinn finally said, “I don’t remember the dream, but I do remember the conversation we had about the dream.”
“My Guidance, my intuition, thinks you knew then that setting up a business with Thad was not such a good idea for me. Great for him but not so advantageous for me. But, you didn’t say anything.” I added, “I want you to know that you can always share your intuitive insights with me.”
Quinn had attended classes I taught on developing your intuition. I knew she was a newbie when it came to trusting her intuition, so I wanted her to know it was okay. I would not judge her or find fault with her insights.
She sat silently for a few minutes before responding. “I’m not sure if I did. I think I block insights. As you know, one of my big issues is conflict, wanting to avoid conflict.”
“Hum,” I mumbled. Then added, “So, sharing your insights, you think it might create conflict between us?”
“Not just with you but with anyone,” Quinn said.
“I know one of your top needs is belonging. [A list of Needs is listed in the Appendix of this Kindle.] So, are you saying that you think having intuitive insights might separate you from someone else?”
“Not just having the insights but sharing them. If I get an insight, I feel like I am supposed to share the insight,” a frustrated Quinn said.
“Okay, well, can I just say that’s not necessarily true. Having insights about someone else, it’s up to us to use our discernment as to what and how much we share with someone.”
“I think I block my intuition and my insights, so I am not faced with having to share the insight with the other person,” commented Quinn.
“That’s very possible.” I paused then added, “I use to have a photo of my spiritual teacher in my office. When people came into my office and asked about the photo, I told them it was my spiritual teacher. I received one of three different responses. The first, the person that asked about the photo would start talking about the weather or anything BUT spirituality. The second response would be from someone curious about spirituality. The third response was from someone on a spiritual path and a discussion of spirituality usually followed.”
“So,” Quinn said before sipping her tea, “based on where someone is gives me a clue as to how and what to share in regard to my intuitive insights.”
With a wide smile, I said, “Exactly! Just because we have an insight about someone does not mean we have to share the insight. We have to use our discernment as to what we can share, how much to share, how to share the insight, and when would be the best time to share some or all of the insight.”
“But, if I don’t have the insights, I don’t have to put myself in conflict with someone else or myself.”
Shifting in my chair to face Quinn, I said, “How does having an insight put you in conflict with yourself, Quinn? I don’t understand.”
Looking down at the tea in her hands before answering, Quinn finally said, “I’m in conflict with myself about whether to share or not to share.”
“Well, that leaves you in a lose-lose situation.” A broad grin started to spread across my face. “I can see why you don’t even want to tune into your intuition.”
Frowning at me, Quinn said, “But, knowing that I am blocking my intuition also puts me in conflict.”
The spiritual teacher that I am was enjoying this conversation. “Well, this is a bummer. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But, since you are blocking your intuition, I am assuming it is easier to be in conflict with yourself than with someone else,” I added.
“True. I know you are enjoying my discomfort, aren’t you,” a smiling Quinn said. “Okay. I get it. With my belonging need, having an insight about someone, not knowing what to do with the insight, I might be different and not fit in. So, yes, it is easier to be in conflict with myself than with someone else.”
Laughing I said, “I know I shouldn’t, but yes, I am enjoying watching your discomfort! Sounds like you have yourself in a quandary, Quinn!”
“I agree, and it’s no fun! I know you think this is funny. It makes sense as to the reason I have kept my intuition as arm’s length. I know I am intuitive. I want to be intuitive. I want to develop my intuition. But, I can see that being intuitive might challenge my belonging need; thus, I play it safe by NOT being intuitive.” With this proclamation, Quinn decided to get some water.
After returning to her chair, I decided to switch gears a tad bit. “What are your top pay-offs?” [Pay-offs are listed in the Appendix of this Kindle.]
“Avoidance and guarantee,” Quinn uttered.
“Yup,” I mumbled.
“I know what you are going to say!”
With a twinkle in my eye, I excitedly said, “You must be a mind reader!”
“Ha. Ha. You aren’t funny,” a laughing Quinn announced.
Yes, the teacher in me was enjoying this conversation. “What was I going to say?”
Feeling confident in herself, Quinn explained, “With pay-offs like avoidance and guarantee, I avoid being intuitive and sharing any intuitive hits I have about someone until I have a guarantee that my belonging need will not be challenged.”
Quinn opened her journal that she carried with her always and made some notes.
I acknowledged my student for her correct insight then asked, “Want to add one more factor into your being intuitive and allowing yourself to be intuitive? You know how I love triangles when it comes to cause and the result. In your journal, draw a triangle. At one point write, ‘Belonging Need.’ At another point write, ‘Pay-offs of avoidance and guarantee’.”
After writing what she had been told to write, she looked up at me expectedly.
I asked, “You are an Enneagram 9, correct?”
Knowing that Quinn had taken a class on the Enneagrams, I asked her to give me five adjectives to describe the 9 personality.
“If I remember correctly, 9s are the peacemakers and do not like conflict. They will go along to get along.”
Laughing, I said, “Well, that goes along with wanting to avoid conflict. Got it.”
“9s prefer to avoid conflict.” Pausing to think, Quinn then added, “Okay, 9’s basic fear is loss and separation.”
“Got it. Your need of belonging. Not wanting to experience loss or separation.”
“I know that peace is the opposite of conflict, but 9’s desire is to be at peace with themselves as well as with the world around them. To keep the peace, they are accepting and agreeable.”
I remained quiet and allowed Quinn to reflect on her class and what she could remember.
“Oh, they are supporting and reassuring to those around them. Typically, they have problems with inertia.”
I added, “Inertia. That sounds like avoidance. What else about a 9 Enneagram personality? So far, we have avoid conflict, avoid loss and separation, desire peace, and can get stuck in inertia.”
Defensively, Quinn said, “Don’t forget loves peace, is the peacemaker, and is very supportive.”
“Okay. Loves peace, is the peacemaker, and is very supportive. Anything else you want to add?” I asked.
“Yes. Nines are reliable, sturdy, and likable individuals,” added Quinn.
“That like to avoid conflict, loss, and go along to get along.”
Putting down her cup, she sat up straight and said, “Okay, I have this triangle. Now what? How do I start to develop and use my intuition?”
“Tapping. We are going to do some tapping,” I explained.
I took her journal and pen and wrote out several tapping statements:
* I am afraid to develop my intuition.
* Being intuitive might create conflict for me.
* I don’t trust my intuition.
* My need of belonging is stronger than my desire to be intuitive.
* I avoid being intuitive to avoid loss and separation.
* I am supposed to share all my intuitive hits with others.
* Being intuitive makes me different than others.
* I don’t use my discernment to know who I can share my insights with.
“Tap these statements and let’s meet back here in a couple of weeks to see what comes from the tapping,” I said.
The next time I met with Quinn, she came in looking ragged. After ordering tea, we sat at a table in the warm sunshine. Quinn started the conversation, saying, “Wow. It was easier to blame not using my intuition on avoiding conflict!”
Not wanting to rejoice in her discomfort, I tried looking sympathetic.
“You know your sympathetic face isn’t coming across as sincere, right?” Quinn said with a frown.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I tried looking sympathetic. What gave me away?”
“The smile on your face. No, the smirk on your face!” she said with emphasis.
With true sincerity, I said, “Okay. Okay. Tell me what’s been happening the last couple of weeks.”
“Where to begin?” a confused Quinn said.
I took a sip of my tea and waited for Quinn to continue. My smirk was gone, and I was truly concerned with Quinn’s discomfort. I didn’t want to make it worse, so I stayed quiet, sending her energy of love.
With a heavy sigh, Quinn started, “I did the tapping. Then the mind chatter started. ‘I’m not really intuitive.’ ‘Intuitive is nothing more than guessing.’ If intuition is nothing more than my imagination, guessing, or what I want to happen, then it would be a mistake to follow the intuitive insights and hits I get.”
“And, did you do more tapping?” I inquired.
Putting down her hot tea, she said, “Yes. You have taught us how to make our mind chatter statements into tapping statements. [See in the Appendix on how to turn mind chatter into tapping statements.] So, yes, I tapped that intuition is nothing more than make believe, guessing, and my imagination.”
Leaning back, I found that I was pleased she turned her mind chatter into tapping statements. I waited for Quinn to continue. Her tea was still too hot to drink, so she took a sip of water.
After the pause, Quinn added, “I realized that I ignored my hunches, allowed fear to stop me from developing my intuition, from even sensing my intuition. And didn’t think I was intuitive at all.”
“Did you make these into tapping statements as well?” I asked.
“Yes.” After taking a sip of her tea, she continued. “Then, I realized I was too logical of a person to be intuitive. Intuition doesn’t make sense. Intuition isn’t real. I was too much of a skeptic to believe that intuition was real. My rational mind led me back to believing that any intuitive insights were my desire of what I wanted to happen and not real. My logic mind challenged my intuitive ‘hits.’ I realized I was too rational of a person to believe in intuition.”
Seeing Quinn’s anxiousness and nervousness, I asked if she wanted to walk and talk. I thought this might help her settle down. She stood, slung her bag over her shoulder, picked up her tea, and said, “Let’s walk.”
I stood, slung my bag over my shoulder, picked up my tea, and followed her out into the sunshine and toward the park. Again, I waited until she was ready to continue. I really did have compassion for her distress.
“Yes, I made those into tapping statements as well. Being intuitive is hard. It’s complicated. I might interpret the insights incorrectly. I’m not wise enough to be intuitive. Sometimes, my gut feeling doesn’t make any sense. It’s hard trying to figure out what I am feeling and if what I’m feeling is my intuition or something I’m thinking. If I can’t distinguish between my thoughts and intuitive insights, how can I interpret the insights or even trust my interpretation?”
Quinn took a long breath and remained silent for the next ten steps. I decided I would jump in and make a few comments and observations. “It is true. It is difficult sometimes to know if something is your thoughts or an intuitive insight. With practice, you learn to distinguish between the two. With practice, you can learn how to interpret your insights accurately. Intuition is a skill. It’s not something we are taught in school nor is it something someone is born with. There is a tendency of some to complicate the insights. Sometimes intuition is quite simple, but if the interpretation is more complicated, maybe it might have more value.”
Stopping, Quinn turned towards me. “Tessa, you are the only one that I know that is intuitive. No one I know is intuitive, or at least they don’t talk to me about being intuitive. I don’t want to be the one to start a conversation about being intuitive. My belonging need wants to fit in and not stand out, be different than them. What if I shared with others that I thought I was intuitive and they either laugh at me or start avoiding me? I’m not sure I want others to know I am developing my intuition.”
I faced Quinn and said, “It’s possible that others could be threatened. It’s possible that others misunderstand what intuition is about. I’ve had people tell me being intuitive is evil, that intuition comes from the devil.”
I took her arm, turned her back toward the path, and began walking again. “Quinn, you can ignore your intuition. It’s your choice.”
Taking a deep breath, Quinn began, “I’m afraid, if I am intuitive, it will lead to heartache. I don’t want to know if someone is dying. I know this fear clouds my insights and their interpretation. Sometimes, I soak up people’s energy. This isn’t something I want to get lost in.”
I wondered if this was the time to dive into such a topic. Thinking, I took a sip of my tea then decided to address this concern since it was on her mind. “It is possible we could know about someone’s health. Not often, but it is possible. Let’s say you did sense that someone’s health was at risk. What would you do?”
After a nervous laugh, Quinn said, “Freak out.”
“And then what,” I asked.
“After I freaked out? What would I do?”
“Yup,” I said. “After you freaked out.”
Quinn saw a park bench up ahead and decided now would be a good time to sit down. Her restlessness and anxiety seemed to have simmered into confusion and tiredness. “Truthfully, I don’t know, Tessa. How would I know if what I was sensing was truth?”
Sitting down beside Quinn, both of us looking out over the expansive park, feeling the warmth from the sun, slowly I said, “Remember my example last time about determining where someone was in order to know how to gauge a conversation? The photo of my spiritual teacher?”
Softly, Quinn said, “I do.”
“Sometimes I call it ‘fishing.’ If I sensed that someone might have a health challenge, I might ask how their health is. If they change the topic, I know the topic is not one they would be comfortable talking about; thus, I follow their lead. Sometimes, people just need to be heard. They don’t always want answers or solutions. They want someone to hear their concerns. I can show them compassion and empathy and hear their concerns without needing to offer a solution.”
“Does it happen often?” whispered Quinn.
“No. It hasn’t,” I answered truthfully.
Quinn sat very still, deep in thought. I finished my tea, stood up, walked to a concrete trash receptacle, and dropped in my cup. When I returned, Quinn commented, “Tessa, I don’t trust the accuracy of my insights. I wouldn’t want to cause someone else heartache.”
“My sense is that you feel your insights are supposed to be huge revelations for someone.”
Quinn paused before she confessed she thought that could be true. “I am beginning to realize that my willingness to develop my intuition, to honor my intuition, is complicated by what I think is expected of me and from the messages my intuition has for me as well as for other people.”
“That’s insightful,” I teased as I stretched out my legs in front of me.
Playfully Quinn said, “Does intuitive insights come with instructions of what to do with them?”
“Adding levity to our conversation? Getting too heavy for you?” I joked.
With a huge grin, leaning back on the bench, she said, “Did it work?”
We both watched as a young man, obviously a dog walker, struggled with ten leashes with ten excited dogs pulling at their leashes to pick up their messages on every stone, tree, blade of grass, and shrub within their reach.
Once he had moved beyond our view, Quinn said, “I get it, Tessa. There are a lot of different issues that someone could have with being intuitive, developing their intuition, feeling responsible for the insights they receive. Until a lot of these issues are cleared, our perception might not be accurate. I did a lot of tapping these last two weeks. I am ready now to develop this skill and practice.”
We stood up and headed back to the coffee shop. “Quinn, there is one thing I do want to add in regard to someone else. We don’t always know what someone else’s lessons are. We don’t want someone else telling us how to live our life. It’s not our place to tell someone else how to live theirs.
“In regards to ourselves, our intuition can be a valuable tool. There is a place for the logical mind, as well as the intuitive mind in our lives. Sometimes, our intuition is the quiet voice within. Sometimes, it is a feeling. Sometimes, we might think of someone and then the phone rings and it is them on the other end of the phone.
“When Mike died, I found dimes every day for a week. Now, when I know that Mike is around me, I find dimes.
“I know when something is a Truth, because I either yawn, tear up, or get goose bumps. I know it is my intuition telling me to pay attention. For me, I know my intuition is helping me to live a more fulfilled and content life. Growth is one of my top needs. I know my intuition is helping me discover my ah-ha wisdom to heal, growth, and evolve.”
Walking by my side, Quinn asked, “Then you trust your intuition. How long did that take?”
Looping my arm through hers, I responded, “A long time. The information we receive is correct. It’s our interpretation of the insights or feelings that takes time and lots of practice. We need to learn the language of our intuition. I learned about numerology, the significance of colors, astrology, symbolism, spiritual cards, and other modalities. It was easier to interpret the information once I started to study their language. I have several handouts that I shared in class. I will send you digital copies of some of the handouts.” [Check the Appendix.]
With a lighter heart and step, Quinn looked around and marveled at how clear and sharp everything looked. For the first time in two weeks, she finally felt at peace and ready to start a new chapter in her life, her growth, and her evolution.
© Tessa Cason, 2021.
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